As you can tell from the title, there has been some news that has been rough to handle, some more difficult than others. Mainly two things happened recently. First, David was laid off from his job because they couldn't afford to keep him. A little good news came out of that however; they were impressed with his ethic and he was definitely re-hirable. They also told him that come February will be the new fiscal year for them and if there are any positions open he would be the first they called.
Now on to the more recent, more emotionally hard to write about. As some of you might know, we've been trying for a family. We knew that God was telling us we would start a family here in Cincinnati, so we've been doing what we can and I've been trying to naturally help my body heal and increase progesterone. There have been a few times we thought "this might be it" but it wasn't, but this time was even harder to deal with. I'd never been this late before, and there were other signs-or rather non-signs- that this time might really be for real. Then today my body told me otherwise. I don't know if it was a miscarriage or not, but something happened that leads me more towards it than away. I keep thinking "it's not fair" because my thinking had even changed to way I'd never thought before, and I thought maybe that was God's way of saying it was real this time. I feel like my body keeps tricking me and then getting revenge by giving me pain for the rest of the day. It's really hard to trust God right now; I still do, but each time this happens I'm more and more confused. I wish I could find out if there's any other reason I'm having such trouble, but frankly we just can't afford it.
I'm sorry if some of that didn't make much sense, I'm still kind of down about it. I feel like giving up, but I know I can't. Emotionally I want to give up, physically I don't, mentally I don't know what I think.
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Merry Christmas
I know it's a couple of days late, but I was with family. I had a great Christmas this year, and I hope everyone else did too. I got a lot of really cool stuff, including a Red's hoodie, Doctor Who stuff, a gluten free cookbook, a writing book and workbook, and gift cards. We got to spend time with both families (his and mine), and yeah it was a day late, but it snowed yesterday.
Working in retail this Christmas has made it really hard for me to get into the true meaning of Christmas, but it was achieved. I hope all of you remembered what Christmas really stands for, Christ's birth. I learned this year that the word Christmas literally means "Christmasse" or Christ's Mass. However, working in retail, I had the chance to make the little difference I could by saying "Merry Christmas" to all the customers, and more than once I had people say "Thanks for saying Merry Christmas". It made me feel good to know that there's still people out there who don't care about political correctness.
Speaking of work, this will be my last couple of days in the shoe department; however, next week I will be in accessories, which should be fun. And hopefully David will know soon whether or not he will be kept on as a regular employee. I was told they have until February to decide if they want to keep me or not. Whether that is the beginning or the end, I'm not sure.
Now that the Christmas season is over and we are in the home stretch of the new year, I pray that God's will will be done in our lives and everyone else's lives. I pray that everyone will have a prosperous year and that God will do miracles and wonders in yours and our lives.
Working in retail this Christmas has made it really hard for me to get into the true meaning of Christmas, but it was achieved. I hope all of you remembered what Christmas really stands for, Christ's birth. I learned this year that the word Christmas literally means "Christmasse" or Christ's Mass. However, working in retail, I had the chance to make the little difference I could by saying "Merry Christmas" to all the customers, and more than once I had people say "Thanks for saying Merry Christmas". It made me feel good to know that there's still people out there who don't care about political correctness.
Speaking of work, this will be my last couple of days in the shoe department; however, next week I will be in accessories, which should be fun. And hopefully David will know soon whether or not he will be kept on as a regular employee. I was told they have until February to decide if they want to keep me or not. Whether that is the beginning or the end, I'm not sure.
Now that the Christmas season is over and we are in the home stretch of the new year, I pray that God's will will be done in our lives and everyone else's lives. I pray that everyone will have a prosperous year and that God will do miracles and wonders in yours and our lives.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Good News For Now
In my last post I was dealing with issues that were confusing me and left me wondering. Thankfully I have answers now.
My manager talked to me about my scorecard-basically all my stats that tell how I'm doing. Overall I did great, making more than my goal in pretty much all areas. When he brought up the holiday positions ending, I paid even more attention. He told me that on the 29th, the shoes holiday position would be closed, but on the 30th, I would be able to pick up shifts in other areas of the store. So I guess that means they are keeping me on as a regular flex associate for right now. I don't know how long that will last, but hey at least that means they're keeping me on for the time being!
David's situation isn't quite sorted out just yet, but there is an easy explanation for some of it. He's usually scheduled about 30 or so hours, but this week he was only scheduled for three days, which worried us a little. Thankfully the reason behind that was that someone else who had been working there for a while goes to the University of Cincinnati, and now that he is on break they gave him more hours.
I think that's all I have so far, but right now I'm really into reading and working on my story, which might be transforming into something more than a short story. I just have to work on where I want it to go. By the way, the author I'm really liking right now is Jeffery Deaver. He writes mystery/suspense novels and short stories, which I read for both enjoyment and ideas.
My manager talked to me about my scorecard-basically all my stats that tell how I'm doing. Overall I did great, making more than my goal in pretty much all areas. When he brought up the holiday positions ending, I paid even more attention. He told me that on the 29th, the shoes holiday position would be closed, but on the 30th, I would be able to pick up shifts in other areas of the store. So I guess that means they are keeping me on as a regular flex associate for right now. I don't know how long that will last, but hey at least that means they're keeping me on for the time being!
David's situation isn't quite sorted out just yet, but there is an easy explanation for some of it. He's usually scheduled about 30 or so hours, but this week he was only scheduled for three days, which worried us a little. Thankfully the reason behind that was that someone else who had been working there for a while goes to the University of Cincinnati, and now that he is on break they gave him more hours.
I think that's all I have so far, but right now I'm really into reading and working on my story, which might be transforming into something more than a short story. I just have to work on where I want it to go. By the way, the author I'm really liking right now is Jeffery Deaver. He writes mystery/suspense novels and short stories, which I read for both enjoyment and ideas.
Friday, December 14, 2012
Life is Confusing
I know it's been a few weeks (again), but I have been busy and making good progress in different areas in life. However, certain aspects of those areas are confusing me and I'm unsure of some things right now. Sorry if that doesn't make much sense but I will explain.
First, work has been going well. I'm getting a good number of hours, selling lots of shoes, making my goals plus more, and my name was even on a paper on the wall for what they call "shining stars". I got a lot of points, which basically means I'm good at my job. At least that's what someone told me. That makes me happy. Now this is what confuses me- my schedule is on the computer, and normally I am given two days to work, and I pick the rest. The chosen days should have been today, but there was nothing there. I called HR and they told me if there's nothing available, then it doesn't give me anything. I thought that was strange, seeing as this schedule was for the week of Christmas. I go to the site for work, and I see a message saying there are still hours open for two days, one of which I should have been automatically scheduled for, but wasn't. I'm sure it will work out, I'm just confused at the moment. I also don't know how long I will be employed there, if at all, after the holidays.
On that note, I've been putting my resume out on the web so companies can look at it, so I can hopefully get a job in what I really want to do-write. Since I have had so many customer service positions, I have been receiving emails and phone calls from different companies in different aspects of customer services, none of which I believed I was qualified for. I'm honestly not sure what my response will or should be.
David and I are still hoping that he will keep his job at Sears, although we have some reason to believe otherwise, but hoping it's just a rumor.
My writing has been going really well now that I'm on my medicine. My short story is beginning to have the potential to become a book, and I keep thinking of stuff to include so I'm happy. I just wish I could find work related to my passion.
We have been window shopping online for apartments, just to see what's out there and what we can afford. Can't wait till we can actually go look at potential apartments.
The only thing we are still waiting on is having a family. Really not sure if there is anything different to say on that. Or anything else to say. We are still trying, I'm still on my gluten free diet, and am taking vitamins to help with the progesterone. I still feel like it's gonna be our time soon, I just don't know when "soon" is right now.
First, work has been going well. I'm getting a good number of hours, selling lots of shoes, making my goals plus more, and my name was even on a paper on the wall for what they call "shining stars". I got a lot of points, which basically means I'm good at my job. At least that's what someone told me. That makes me happy. Now this is what confuses me- my schedule is on the computer, and normally I am given two days to work, and I pick the rest. The chosen days should have been today, but there was nothing there. I called HR and they told me if there's nothing available, then it doesn't give me anything. I thought that was strange, seeing as this schedule was for the week of Christmas. I go to the site for work, and I see a message saying there are still hours open for two days, one of which I should have been automatically scheduled for, but wasn't. I'm sure it will work out, I'm just confused at the moment. I also don't know how long I will be employed there, if at all, after the holidays.
On that note, I've been putting my resume out on the web so companies can look at it, so I can hopefully get a job in what I really want to do-write. Since I have had so many customer service positions, I have been receiving emails and phone calls from different companies in different aspects of customer services, none of which I believed I was qualified for. I'm honestly not sure what my response will or should be.
David and I are still hoping that he will keep his job at Sears, although we have some reason to believe otherwise, but hoping it's just a rumor.
My writing has been going really well now that I'm on my medicine. My short story is beginning to have the potential to become a book, and I keep thinking of stuff to include so I'm happy. I just wish I could find work related to my passion.
We have been window shopping online for apartments, just to see what's out there and what we can afford. Can't wait till we can actually go look at potential apartments.
The only thing we are still waiting on is having a family. Really not sure if there is anything different to say on that. Or anything else to say. We are still trying, I'm still on my gluten free diet, and am taking vitamins to help with the progesterone. I still feel like it's gonna be our time soon, I just don't know when "soon" is right now.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
It's Been a Long Week
I've completed my first week of working, and it went pretty well despite my being sick. I'm very tired and I can't tell if it's just from the job or from trying to act all happy and cheerful when in reality I feel miserable. I've been fighting a bad cough and runny nose for about a week now, and I'm probably going to go to the doctor. Dad and I are both sick, but at least I have time to rest now. Since I'm off this week, I'm going to focus on getting better, and doing some reading and writing.
Speaking of which, my dad found a story I had been working on several years ago and thought was lost. I'm going to see what I can do with it, since it was my first attempt at a book (at least I think it was supposed be a book) with no training at all. I have found that, as I've been in retail this week, that this isn't for me. I need to be writing and I seem to be thinking about it more, at random times, which to me is a good sign. I think that by being out in a work setting that is more "grown up" than what I've been accustomed to, is making me realize that I would rather be expanding my writing ability and intensifying my passion (maybe even getting paid for it!) than doing so-called "regular" work.
I know my posts may be short, but I don't really think about telling stories about co-workers or customers, nor do I think that's what people want to hear. My blog is about the different aspects of my life, and I try not to get too bogged down by nit-picking about one aspect or another. If my readers want to read something to the contrary, please let me know. I want to please my readers.
However, one aspect of my life has been put on the back burner, unfortunately. My relationship with God has been better, but it's always in the works, and reading my Bible is still a struggle. I've always had a strong prayer life, but other areas continue to suffer. I know I need to be better at reading, but I think maybe I finally figured out why I have such a hard time now. I feel like I've read the same thing over and over again, and I just get tired of it. I never have been one to read a book several times in a short period of time. It gets old, and I don't want it to be the same for the Bible, because I know it's the most important book I could ever read.
Speaking of which, my dad found a story I had been working on several years ago and thought was lost. I'm going to see what I can do with it, since it was my first attempt at a book (at least I think it was supposed be a book) with no training at all. I have found that, as I've been in retail this week, that this isn't for me. I need to be writing and I seem to be thinking about it more, at random times, which to me is a good sign. I think that by being out in a work setting that is more "grown up" than what I've been accustomed to, is making me realize that I would rather be expanding my writing ability and intensifying my passion (maybe even getting paid for it!) than doing so-called "regular" work.
I know my posts may be short, but I don't really think about telling stories about co-workers or customers, nor do I think that's what people want to hear. My blog is about the different aspects of my life, and I try not to get too bogged down by nit-picking about one aspect or another. If my readers want to read something to the contrary, please let me know. I want to please my readers.
However, one aspect of my life has been put on the back burner, unfortunately. My relationship with God has been better, but it's always in the works, and reading my Bible is still a struggle. I've always had a strong prayer life, but other areas continue to suffer. I know I need to be better at reading, but I think maybe I finally figured out why I have such a hard time now. I feel like I've read the same thing over and over again, and I just get tired of it. I never have been one to read a book several times in a short period of time. It gets old, and I don't want it to be the same for the Bible, because I know it's the most important book I could ever read.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Happy Thanksgiving!
This week has been an important week for my family. My parents' 31st anniversary was yesterday and my sister-in-law's birthday is today.
I have so much to be thankful for today. God has richly blessed me and provided for me, both with a husband who loves me so much and a family who keeps us off the streets. Recently God has provided me and David with jobs that pay well and that we enjoy. For the past couple of days I have been sick with sinus garbage, but had to go to work anyway. Yesterday I felt worse than the day before, and God blessed my efforts because I had a very good selling day. David is doing well at his job as well. He was one of two hired on for the holiday, and was in a little competition for a full time position (the other would get part time). However, the other person vying for the job is no longer employed after a couple days, leaving David the only new person, which gives him a big advantage. He even picked up some of the hours open from when the other guy left. David has over 40 hours this week, which is a blessing because it shows his willingness to work hard, and he will get good money.
We are showing thanksgiving to some friends by inviting them over for lunch since they have no one with them this year.
Although God has decided not to bless me with children at the moment, I haven't lost faith but I do wish something had happened by now. I know that's not really a "thanks" but it does come to mind when thinking about all that I'm thankful for.
I have so much to be thankful for today. God has richly blessed me and provided for me, both with a husband who loves me so much and a family who keeps us off the streets. Recently God has provided me and David with jobs that pay well and that we enjoy. For the past couple of days I have been sick with sinus garbage, but had to go to work anyway. Yesterday I felt worse than the day before, and God blessed my efforts because I had a very good selling day. David is doing well at his job as well. He was one of two hired on for the holiday, and was in a little competition for a full time position (the other would get part time). However, the other person vying for the job is no longer employed after a couple days, leaving David the only new person, which gives him a big advantage. He even picked up some of the hours open from when the other guy left. David has over 40 hours this week, which is a blessing because it shows his willingness to work hard, and he will get good money.
We are showing thanksgiving to some friends by inviting them over for lunch since they have no one with them this year.
Although God has decided not to bless me with children at the moment, I haven't lost faith but I do wish something had happened by now. I know that's not really a "thanks" but it does come to mind when thinking about all that I'm thankful for.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Update On Life
I didn't realize it had been so long since my last post, so here's what's been going on. God has been providing so much! First of all, if you didn't know already, David's car has not been running and we didn't know what was wrong with it. We finally got it to the repair shop, and unfortunately the repairs would almost cost as much as the car itself. So we made the decision to sell his car for scraps. This is where God provided. Although the day started out rough, we ended up with almost $200, and the same day we got the check from the University we had been waiting on, which was a lot more than we thought it would be!
Also, David started his job this past week, which is going well. He has a good chance of being hired on full time after the holidays, which means a good steady job. I start Sunday, and I'm a bit nervous, but it's mostly because I've had a week to forget what I've learned. However, I have started on my ADD medicine, and after some adjustment, it's starting to work. I'm hoping this will help with my job. I'm anxious to get started, but a little worried about Black Friday, because I know it's going to be insanely busy. Of course, at least I don't have to work a crazy early shift like David does (4 am to 4 pm). I think that's all for now. There might be more that I can't remember at the moment, but if there is I'll write about it soon enough.
Also, David started his job this past week, which is going well. He has a good chance of being hired on full time after the holidays, which means a good steady job. I start Sunday, and I'm a bit nervous, but it's mostly because I've had a week to forget what I've learned. However, I have started on my ADD medicine, and after some adjustment, it's starting to work. I'm hoping this will help with my job. I'm anxious to get started, but a little worried about Black Friday, because I know it's going to be insanely busy. Of course, at least I don't have to work a crazy early shift like David does (4 am to 4 pm). I think that's all for now. There might be more that I can't remember at the moment, but if there is I'll write about it soon enough.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
In Honor of Papaw
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Sad Day
Just thinking about my relationship with him over the years, even from before I attended till graduation, I can't believe he's gone. Unfortunately his classes were a bit boring yet easy, and sometimes his advising wasn't the best, but when it counted he rose to the challenge. He was very forgetful, but that was just the way he was. I didn't realize how much he meant to me until now. Dr. Neal will be greatly missed by his students, I know especially by those of us who graduated within the four years of my attendance.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Praise God
More exciting news, David got the job at Sears! God has truly blessed us in just the one week we've been here. It only took us less than one week for both of us to find jobs, where in Campbellsville it took much longer. God is showing me He wants us to be here. He's already blessed us this much, I know He has much more in store!
I'm thinking about taking next week to focus on my writing since I don't have to job hunt. Thankfully I shouldn't need to go anywhere, since David probably starts next week. We desperately need to get his car fixed, but don't really have the money. Prayers would be much appreciated that God would provide a way for that to happen. This week has been so good, and I just feel like it's going to keep getting better. I'm kind of on Cloud 9 since we've both got jobs so quickly, and there is a chance that if we do well, they could keep us after the holidays. God is just so awesome!
As much as God has already blessed us with, I still get a feeling that it'll soon be my time to experience the joy of having a family. I don't know when, but I sometimes get little reminders from God that my time is coming. Now that we both have good paying jobs, I'm hoping it will be very soon. Until then, I'm living vicariously through all my pregnant friends. I know that sounds sad, but it's bittersweet. I just keep praying and waiting. Somehow, it's a little easier knowing we're here. I feel like this is where we're supposed to be.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
God is Awesome!
So this week David and I have been focusing on trying to find seasonal work, going all over our side of Cincy trying to find places we could work. We applied at several places and kept praying that God would lead us in the right direction. We started on Monday, and I just got back from an interview at Macy's with a job! It pays great and it's actually a nice place to work where I feel like I'm surrounded by mature people. I just hope I can keep up, but by the grace of God I can. If this is where He wants me to be, then He will help me do what I need to do. David had an interview with Sears, and they apparently require a second interview, which he has tomorrow morning. They put him in docking and loading (working with trucks) instead of cashier, hoping that there is a position open for him. Pray that he finds favor.
My writing has unfortunately suffered greatly since moving, but I think it's because I've been so focused on getting a job and helping around the house, I've just been tired. Also still getting used to the city.
Another great piece of news is that I've gone down two pant sizes without realizing it! I'm still able to wear juniors at JCP, so I didn't know how it translated to women's. My pants are a 16 and some of Mom's jeans are 12. My pants are huge on me and Mom's jeans fit perfectly! My day just keeps getting better! God is so incredible!
My writing has unfortunately suffered greatly since moving, but I think it's because I've been so focused on getting a job and helping around the house, I've just been tired. Also still getting used to the city.
Another great piece of news is that I've gone down two pant sizes without realizing it! I'm still able to wear juniors at JCP, so I didn't know how it translated to women's. My pants are a 16 and some of Mom's jeans are 12. My pants are huge on me and Mom's jeans fit perfectly! My day just keeps getting better! God is so incredible!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
We Made It
Well, we got moved and partially settled in. It was a very long and rough day, but we got it done. We still have some stuff to unpack, but for the time we aren't unpacking we will be relaxing this weekend and spending time with family and friends. Then probably starting on Monday we are going to start looking for jobs. Need some prayer that God will provide steady jobs quickly. That's all for tonight, but hopefully will be bringing good news soon.
Friday, October 19, 2012
Honoring Grandpa and Other News
I remember a couple of major things my Grandpa said while he was still in his right mind, and one of them was to the nurse who came to care for him every little while. He had two identical pictures of John Wayne on his wall, and she asked if he was a John Wayne fan. His response? "I'm not a John Wayne fan, I'm THE John Wayne fan!" I'll never forget that.
Brighter news, we are moving tomorrow morning to Cincinnati, Ohio and I couldn't be more excited! It will be an adjustment, but I can't wait to see what God has for us there.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
It's Moving Time
This week is going to go by fast, and there is a whirlwind of things to get done during that time. We are done with Sonic and are fully focused on emptying and cleaning the house. Crazy to think at the end of the week we'll be going to Cincinnati, not to visit, but to stay. I think it'll hit me either when I start looking for a job there, or when we've been there for more than a week. Or both.
Moving has almost completely distracted me from the fact that at the end of this week will be the one year anniversary of my Grandpa's death. I say almost because I will be going through old pictures and see one of him and feel something tugging at me, or I'll see something about John Wayne and the same thing will happen (he was a huge John Wayne fan). I guess that's all for now, but I'll try to remember to post something on moving day. Only four days left!
Moving has almost completely distracted me from the fact that at the end of this week will be the one year anniversary of my Grandpa's death. I say almost because I will be going through old pictures and see one of him and feel something tugging at me, or I'll see something about John Wayne and the same thing will happen (he was a huge John Wayne fan). I guess that's all for now, but I'll try to remember to post something on moving day. Only four days left!
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
It Just Keeps Getting Better
So you saw that my wheat belly is gone, and now the news keeps coming. Not only am I losing weight easier (down to 156 now!), but my clothes are looser now, Especially my pants. I may have to buy new jeans and pants soon because I have to wear a belt with all of them now! This diet has really made the difference I was looking for!
Other excitement, David and I only have a few days left at Sonic, and we move at the end of next week. God has truly blessed us, and we surely would have never made it without Him, with the help of our family and friends. I've got the house probably about halfway packed, with boxes everywhere and piles of empty boxes in places too. I'm so ready to move on to the next stage of our lives, and so anxious to get back to Cincinnati!
I'm making some progress with my writing, learning new things along the way and getting re-acquainted with some things I had forgotten. I've also made another step; being honored to copy edit my mentor's new book that will hopefully be coming out soon. I realize I'm in the target audience, but I still feel privileged to have such an important part behind the scenes.
With so much going on in our lives right now, it's hard to focus on everything. I know God's got a plan and I can't wait to see what it is, and in the meantime I know we just have to trust in Him and His timing. Still waiting for a family, but we both think it's coming soon. Of course, soon to us and soon to God might be two different times, but I'm hoping and praying it's on our end of soon. I keep seeing more redheaded babies everywhere to couples with no red hair, so maybe that's a sign? Whatever the case, I know God knows what He's doing, and I'm doing what I can to help my body naturally do what it's supposed to do. Who knows, maybe that'll help things along.
Other excitement, David and I only have a few days left at Sonic, and we move at the end of next week. God has truly blessed us, and we surely would have never made it without Him, with the help of our family and friends. I've got the house probably about halfway packed, with boxes everywhere and piles of empty boxes in places too. I'm so ready to move on to the next stage of our lives, and so anxious to get back to Cincinnati!
I'm making some progress with my writing, learning new things along the way and getting re-acquainted with some things I had forgotten. I've also made another step; being honored to copy edit my mentor's new book that will hopefully be coming out soon. I realize I'm in the target audience, but I still feel privileged to have such an important part behind the scenes.
With so much going on in our lives right now, it's hard to focus on everything. I know God's got a plan and I can't wait to see what it is, and in the meantime I know we just have to trust in Him and His timing. Still waiting for a family, but we both think it's coming soon. Of course, soon to us and soon to God might be two different times, but I'm hoping and praying it's on our end of soon. I keep seeing more redheaded babies everywhere to couples with no red hair, so maybe that's a sign? Whatever the case, I know God knows what He's doing, and I'm doing what I can to help my body naturally do what it's supposed to do. Who knows, maybe that'll help things along.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
I'm So Excited!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Making Progress!
This will be a short post, but I just wanted to say how excited I am to have lost three more pounds. I'm down to 157! I started at 165, then got stuck between 163 and 160. I don't know if it's the gluten free diet, not eating very much, packing up my house and subsequently going up and down stairs a lot, or a combination of all of those. Whatever I'm doing differently, it's working and hopefully will continue to work!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Decisions and Other News
After prayer, advice from others, and discussing it together, we have made a decision. We are no longer looking at Amazon for jobs. We are struggling too much to wait on them. Instead, we are moving near the end of October, the third weekend to be exact. Of course, I didn't realize it before, but that will be the one year anniversary of Grandpa's death. But I will talk about that later. Now that we have decided when we are moving and have actually taken steps toward that goal (i.e. giving 30 days notice to our landlord and going to give our two weeks notice soon), I'm very excited! I can't stop thinking about it, and I've already started packing as much as I think I can. Of course we have a list of things we have to do before we actually move that is too soon to start on yet, but I'm so anxious to move forward now that we know what that means for us! When I spoke to my mom on the phone, she told me we are moving at the right time because everyone there is hiring for the holidays. My mentor/author friend, Cheryl, also told my mom that there is a publishing company who might be hiring, which is an awesome opportunity for me! God is good and His plans are perfect.
Some updates unrelated, on the first of next month I will have been gluten-free for three weeks. It's getting a little easier, training myself to avoid thinking about foods I can't have anymore. Some are harder than others (really wish I could have had pizza before I did this). However, my belly has slightly deflated and I'm losing weight faster. Of course that could just be that we've had next to no food in the house (and even less that I can eat). Because we're trying to stretch what little food we do have, we're not eating as much, which in turn makes our stomachs smaller, causing us to not be as hungry. When we do get hungry we are starving, but it doesn't take much to fill us up. After weighing myself this morning, I am at 159! I've been trying to get under 160 for a long time, and nothing has seemed to work. I seemed to be teetering between 160 and 163, so I'm really happy! I just hope I can keep this up.
Some updates unrelated, on the first of next month I will have been gluten-free for three weeks. It's getting a little easier, training myself to avoid thinking about foods I can't have anymore. Some are harder than others (really wish I could have had pizza before I did this). However, my belly has slightly deflated and I'm losing weight faster. Of course that could just be that we've had next to no food in the house (and even less that I can eat). Because we're trying to stretch what little food we do have, we're not eating as much, which in turn makes our stomachs smaller, causing us to not be as hungry. When we do get hungry we are starving, but it doesn't take much to fill us up. After weighing myself this morning, I am at 159! I've been trying to get under 160 for a long time, and nothing has seemed to work. I seemed to be teetering between 160 and 163, so I'm really happy! I just hope I can keep this up.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Needing Prayer
So it turns out that Amazon keeps pushing back the start date. At first it was maybe the first week of October, now it's possibly the end of October. Traffic at Sonic is getting lighter and lighter since it's getting colder, and we're already not making enough. We really don't know how much longer we can work at Sonic and make ends meet. We know we're moving to Cincinnati soon, but if Amazon keeps pushing the start date back, we may have to change a lot of our plans, and sooner than we thought. We're not sure what the next step needs to be right now; I guess we're kind of in limbo. I know all we can do is pray right now, but we need all the help and support we can get. I know God has a plan, we just wish we knew what it was.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
I'm Back
I know I haven't written in a very long time. Honestly, I forgot about it and I didn't think anyone was reading. But with the encouragement of a dear friend, author, and mentor, I'm back. I don't know how frequent the posts will be, but they will come. So, as an update, a lot of things have happened since last time.
We are still at Sonic, but we both got the job at Amazon. We are very anxiously waiting to hear what our shift will be, since they don't have any available at the moment (unfortunately). Hoping that will change come the first week of October. Until then we just have to keep plugging along at Sonic, praying that we make enough to make ends meet.
After much prodding and encouragement from several people (including-especially-my parents), I have decided to go on a gluten-free diet. I have been on it for roughly a week now. I figure, even if I'm not allergic, it can't hurt to try it. it can do nothing but good things for me. I'm hoping it will help me lose weight where I can't seem to (my gut), and it's possible that it will help my fertility, which is always a good thing.
David and I have gotten better in our spiritual walk, and I think part of that has to do with the fact that we've actually been able to go to church more than once a month. Praise God, I'm able to go at least three times in a row! That's actually a big deal right now, sadly enough. We've also come to a decision about not being in Campbellsville anymore. We feel like God is telling us to move to Cincinnati. We don't know when, must most likely sometime between December and the first of February, when our lease is up. We will live with my parents until we can save enough money to get our own place, and thankfully we know people with lots of connections.
Speaking of connections, my writing has been a lot better. With the extraordinary help of my mentor, Cheryl, I have written roughly ten pages of a short story. I love what I'm doing, and I'm happy (mostly) with my progress. If I didn't get stuck I would be farther, but then again who doesn't get stuck. Some days I just want to quit my job and spend the day writing. I have been reading a lot lately too, but honestly that gets tiring after a while. Especially when you read so much in a short amount of time, you get burn out quickly. So I switch between reading and writing to even myself out.
Well, I guess that's enough rambling for a little while. Hopefully these posts will be semi-regular. It would help if I knew that people actually wanted to read them. If you don't have an account, you can always shoot me a message or wall post on Facebook.
We are still at Sonic, but we both got the job at Amazon. We are very anxiously waiting to hear what our shift will be, since they don't have any available at the moment (unfortunately). Hoping that will change come the first week of October. Until then we just have to keep plugging along at Sonic, praying that we make enough to make ends meet.
After much prodding and encouragement from several people (including-especially-my parents), I have decided to go on a gluten-free diet. I have been on it for roughly a week now. I figure, even if I'm not allergic, it can't hurt to try it. it can do nothing but good things for me. I'm hoping it will help me lose weight where I can't seem to (my gut), and it's possible that it will help my fertility, which is always a good thing.
David and I have gotten better in our spiritual walk, and I think part of that has to do with the fact that we've actually been able to go to church more than once a month. Praise God, I'm able to go at least three times in a row! That's actually a big deal right now, sadly enough. We've also come to a decision about not being in Campbellsville anymore. We feel like God is telling us to move to Cincinnati. We don't know when, must most likely sometime between December and the first of February, when our lease is up. We will live with my parents until we can save enough money to get our own place, and thankfully we know people with lots of connections.
Speaking of connections, my writing has been a lot better. With the extraordinary help of my mentor, Cheryl, I have written roughly ten pages of a short story. I love what I'm doing, and I'm happy (mostly) with my progress. If I didn't get stuck I would be farther, but then again who doesn't get stuck. Some days I just want to quit my job and spend the day writing. I have been reading a lot lately too, but honestly that gets tiring after a while. Especially when you read so much in a short amount of time, you get burn out quickly. So I switch between reading and writing to even myself out.
Well, I guess that's enough rambling for a little while. Hopefully these posts will be semi-regular. It would help if I knew that people actually wanted to read them. If you don't have an account, you can always shoot me a message or wall post on Facebook.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Struggles
After too long a hiatus of not writing, I've discovered that trying to write a book right off the bat was too intimidating for me, as it should be. So I am now attempting something on a bit smaller of a scale, such as short stories, or even articles. I'm not sure what to write about, but I'm taking my inspiration from wherever I can get it. However, until my writing takes off, I need another way of helping bring income to our family.
I like working at Sonic, but I'm not making enough money there, especially since it's getting cooler and business is slow. So David and I have applied at Amazon and are waiting for them to call back to go forward with the interview. The only reason we weren't interviewed right away was because we have worked with them before and they have to make sure weren't fired or anything. Hopefully we will hear something soon, but we're not really worried about it. It's the waiting game we hate the most. Another financial instability right now is our cars. It seems like everything breaks at the same time and right around paycheck time, but we can get through this. God will provide as He always has and always will.
On a different note, my spiritual walk hasn't been the best lately. I haven't been on fire like I used to, and David's Facebook status made that clear to me. Of course his walk hasn't been the best either, but we'll help each other with that. We're struggling spiritually and financially, but we will make it with God's help.
I like working at Sonic, but I'm not making enough money there, especially since it's getting cooler and business is slow. So David and I have applied at Amazon and are waiting for them to call back to go forward with the interview. The only reason we weren't interviewed right away was because we have worked with them before and they have to make sure weren't fired or anything. Hopefully we will hear something soon, but we're not really worried about it. It's the waiting game we hate the most. Another financial instability right now is our cars. It seems like everything breaks at the same time and right around paycheck time, but we can get through this. God will provide as He always has and always will.
On a different note, my spiritual walk hasn't been the best lately. I haven't been on fire like I used to, and David's Facebook status made that clear to me. Of course his walk hasn't been the best either, but we'll help each other with that. We're struggling spiritually and financially, but we will make it with God's help.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Breath of Fresh Air/Breakthrough
I know, crazy to post twice in one day, but this one's worth it. My younger sister-in-law stayed with us this week, and my in-laws came to pick her up today. Upon their departure, I was grateful to have my husband back to myself again. We were putting things in the kitchen when we struck a conversation about being happy to be alone. Then it hit me: I'm not ready in some aspects, to have a baby. I am, but I'm not. I like having David all to myself, and I'm content. I'm truly content, which is what lesson God has been trying to teach me. I've never felt that way about having a family before. David's all mine until God says otherwise, and I'm okay with that. For the first time, I really do want to focus on my career instead of dueling with my maternal instincts. It's so funny, my mind can only focus on one thing at a time; it's been baby for a while and now it's back to writing. Maybe I'll be inspired again. I feel good. Relaxed. Happy. Wow, God sure has a funny way of doing things.
Roller Coaster Ride
I know I haven't been blogging in a while, but there's really been nothing worth writing about; until this week. At the beginning of the week I started feeling incredibly tired, nauseous, dizzy, and every other pregnancy symptom in the book. However, because of my history, I wanted to wait until at least four days after the day I was scheduled to start my monthly because I've been four days late before. So all week I've been feeling so sick and completely exhausted, especially yesterday (the day I was scheduled). Yesterday morning was the sickest I've felt all week. I was sure I was pregnant because I figured that had to be a sign. All through work that afternoon I was miserable! I wanted to curl up in a ball, cry, and fall asleep. Unfortunately I had let it slip the past few days to co-workers that I thought I might be pregnant but I wasn't sure yet. Well, this morning when I went to the bathroom, I discovered a tiny amount of light pink on the toilet paper. I was confused and a little worried. I kept checking and it hadn't changed, but then suddenly I didn't have to check the toilet paper anymore. I think it's safe to say I'm not pregnant. I called my mom to talk to her about it, and I started crying. I was 99.9% sure I was pregnant, and then this happens! I do think I'm better off not knowing for sure though. I'm just a little down this morning because of everything that's happened to me physically and emotionally. It's always a roller coaster ride for me, especially this time.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
Fertility (history)
My fertility is a complicated, emotional subject. Let me start by saying I have wanted kids practically since puberty. I have always had that fire in me, and every time I saw a baby I squealed and just had to hold him/her. Whenever I was bored I would make or edit my list of baby names, and of course stuff a pillow under my shirt to see what I would like with a pregnant belly. Even when David and I were still dating we ironed out the names we wanted, which mostly came from my list.
Fast forward to being married for about 6 months; I caught the baby bug bad! I had been on birth control pills, so I quit taking those (unfortunately I was too excited and dumped half a month's worth into the toilet) after David agreed to try. So we started trying roughly in February and basically got pregnant right away. To say I was excited would be a gross understatement. I was ecstatic! I became obsessed with knowing everything about pregnancy, to the point of annoying David. I would watch all the pregnancy shows, read all the books, and my favorite thing to do was research. However, the one thing I refused to think about was if something went wrong with my pregnancy.
Since it was my first pregnancy, I didn't go to the ob/gyn until I was supposed to be about 12 or 13 weeks along. But that's when things started to go down hill. At the appointment, which was in early June, she tried to find a heartbeat but couldn't, and when she measured my uterus she said I was about 10 weeks, which was small but not necessarily a bad thing, so she scheduled an ultrasound. That was really exciting for me because that was what I really looked forward to (besides hearing the heartbeat). That Friday when David and I went to the ultrasound ( he had gone to the doctor too), they couldn't see anything-not even a sac. I was really scared so I got my levels taken again, and they ended up being negative. I had lost the baby. I found out the day before my birthday that I had had a missed miscarriage. It was devastating, to say the absolute least. It doesn't matter if you haven't felt the baby kick yet, or even hear the heartbeat; just knowing that there was baby inside you and it's gone, it's just crushing. It took me a long time to move on.
Thankfully, during that time I had a lot of support (since I told everyone I knew that I had gotten pregnant, I had to tell them the hard news). People I knew who had went through miscarriages I never knew about, and a close family friend I used to babysit for who had difficulties in the past, all helped me get through it. She also suggested I get my progesterone levels checked (the hormone that keeps the pregnancy going when it's a certain level). I figured it couldn't hurt, so I took her advice. Your progesterone level should be at minimum a 10, and mine was a 9.5. My doctor said I had/have what's called the luteal phase defect; this basically means that the time in my cycle when my body's natural hormone is supposed to launch from ovulation and carry through either until my period or a pregnancy can be sustained by the placenta. Once I figured that out, I learned I could go on hormones that would raise my levels so that a pregnancy would have a fighting chance. So I let my body heal for a while, then we started trying again. Around Christmas I was excitedly nervous when I got pregnant for the second time. David and I spent Christmas with my family and when I told my parents my mom couldn't have been happier (she screamed and jumped up and down). I knew the hormones were working because I was feeling the morning sickness and other symptoms. My hCG (the hormone that is only in a woman's body when she is pregnant) was 81, when the first time it was an 18. I was confident this time was going to "stick" as I call it. I was happy. However, my doctor still wanted me to get my levels checked, just to be sure. When we got back from staying the week with my parents I was tested. It wasn't good. I was going to have a chemical pregnancy, which means that the egg was fertilized but didn't implant. I had my period shortly after. It was just as devastating, if not more, than last time.
Once I finally moved on from that experience, my emotions toward getting pregnant has drastically changed. I try not to stress, and I know that even if I find out I'm pregnant, I won't be excited until I reach the second trimester with no issues. I went on and off hormones for a few months, because I tried a different hormone and it actually completely killed my sex drive. I took myself off of them.
I do need to say one thing though; all of my friends who have been married less time and are younger and have gotten pregnant quickly or easily, I do envy. I get jealous, but God and I are working on that. Through all this, I have yelled at God, questioned him; basically gone through the stages of grief. But without Him (and David, and all my support-but mostly God) I don't know how I would have made it through everything.
Recently I have decided to try to increase my hormone levels naturally (mostly because I couldn't get in to see the doctor until August [this month] and I didn't want to wait). So we will see what happens. Only God knows. Both of us really want to be parents so bad right now! We've already been told we would be great parents. We are ready whenever God is ready.
Fast forward to being married for about 6 months; I caught the baby bug bad! I had been on birth control pills, so I quit taking those (unfortunately I was too excited and dumped half a month's worth into the toilet) after David agreed to try. So we started trying roughly in February and basically got pregnant right away. To say I was excited would be a gross understatement. I was ecstatic! I became obsessed with knowing everything about pregnancy, to the point of annoying David. I would watch all the pregnancy shows, read all the books, and my favorite thing to do was research. However, the one thing I refused to think about was if something went wrong with my pregnancy.
Since it was my first pregnancy, I didn't go to the ob/gyn until I was supposed to be about 12 or 13 weeks along. But that's when things started to go down hill. At the appointment, which was in early June, she tried to find a heartbeat but couldn't, and when she measured my uterus she said I was about 10 weeks, which was small but not necessarily a bad thing, so she scheduled an ultrasound. That was really exciting for me because that was what I really looked forward to (besides hearing the heartbeat). That Friday when David and I went to the ultrasound ( he had gone to the doctor too), they couldn't see anything-not even a sac. I was really scared so I got my levels taken again, and they ended up being negative. I had lost the baby. I found out the day before my birthday that I had had a missed miscarriage. It was devastating, to say the absolute least. It doesn't matter if you haven't felt the baby kick yet, or even hear the heartbeat; just knowing that there was baby inside you and it's gone, it's just crushing. It took me a long time to move on.
Thankfully, during that time I had a lot of support (since I told everyone I knew that I had gotten pregnant, I had to tell them the hard news). People I knew who had went through miscarriages I never knew about, and a close family friend I used to babysit for who had difficulties in the past, all helped me get through it. She also suggested I get my progesterone levels checked (the hormone that keeps the pregnancy going when it's a certain level). I figured it couldn't hurt, so I took her advice. Your progesterone level should be at minimum a 10, and mine was a 9.5. My doctor said I had/have what's called the luteal phase defect; this basically means that the time in my cycle when my body's natural hormone is supposed to launch from ovulation and carry through either until my period or a pregnancy can be sustained by the placenta. Once I figured that out, I learned I could go on hormones that would raise my levels so that a pregnancy would have a fighting chance. So I let my body heal for a while, then we started trying again. Around Christmas I was excitedly nervous when I got pregnant for the second time. David and I spent Christmas with my family and when I told my parents my mom couldn't have been happier (she screamed and jumped up and down). I knew the hormones were working because I was feeling the morning sickness and other symptoms. My hCG (the hormone that is only in a woman's body when she is pregnant) was 81, when the first time it was an 18. I was confident this time was going to "stick" as I call it. I was happy. However, my doctor still wanted me to get my levels checked, just to be sure. When we got back from staying the week with my parents I was tested. It wasn't good. I was going to have a chemical pregnancy, which means that the egg was fertilized but didn't implant. I had my period shortly after. It was just as devastating, if not more, than last time.
Once I finally moved on from that experience, my emotions toward getting pregnant has drastically changed. I try not to stress, and I know that even if I find out I'm pregnant, I won't be excited until I reach the second trimester with no issues. I went on and off hormones for a few months, because I tried a different hormone and it actually completely killed my sex drive. I took myself off of them.
I do need to say one thing though; all of my friends who have been married less time and are younger and have gotten pregnant quickly or easily, I do envy. I get jealous, but God and I are working on that. Through all this, I have yelled at God, questioned him; basically gone through the stages of grief. But without Him (and David, and all my support-but mostly God) I don't know how I would have made it through everything.
Recently I have decided to try to increase my hormone levels naturally (mostly because I couldn't get in to see the doctor until August [this month] and I didn't want to wait). So we will see what happens. Only God knows. Both of us really want to be parents so bad right now! We've already been told we would be great parents. We are ready whenever God is ready.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Careers
Finding a job in our desired careers is proving to be next to impossible. For me, any writing job I could find was either medical or technical, so I figured I'd give it a shot because you have to start somewhere. However, the one problem I kept coming across was that every job I found said I should have at least one year experience in the field. I hate that because you can't get a job without experience and you can't gain experience without a job. It's a vicious cycle you can't win. I'm trying to find anything I can in writing, but it's a lot harder than you think. Even getting my masters seems to be harder since I'm apparently supposed to have written something big already to submit. The problem with that is, my whole goal was to take more classes so I can increase my knowledge to make my work better, which is what I thought masters classes were for. So it's that cycle again- need more knowledge in order to write better, but have to write something in order to get to where I need to be to get more knowledge!
David has sent out countless resumes to churches all over. Unfortunately the first "batch" was all rejects. Also unfortunately for him, he can't do much to gain experience until he gets a job, unless it's volunteering at church or something. He said something this morning in response to a realization I had about a previous email- we need to concentrate more on our careers more than our jobs, or we'll be stuck here for who knows how long.
I agree, but there's one thing I've just realized. If I'm not continuously immersed in or connected to my writing, it falls by the way side. That's why I want to take classes, so I can get that shove I need to get back into it. I seem to make good progress, then decide I'm done for a day or so, then life takes over and my writing sits in a corner for a while. I almost forget it's there. I don't want to do that. I think I need more discipline but I'm not sure how to do that. I also think part of the reason I'm so loose with it is because it's not my job yet. If I had a deadline I think it would help. I'm just realizing all this as I'm writing, which tells me something. It's like ideas come to me as I type, so maybe I just need to sit down and just type.
David has sent out countless resumes to churches all over. Unfortunately the first "batch" was all rejects. Also unfortunately for him, he can't do much to gain experience until he gets a job, unless it's volunteering at church or something. He said something this morning in response to a realization I had about a previous email- we need to concentrate more on our careers more than our jobs, or we'll be stuck here for who knows how long.
I agree, but there's one thing I've just realized. If I'm not continuously immersed in or connected to my writing, it falls by the way side. That's why I want to take classes, so I can get that shove I need to get back into it. I seem to make good progress, then decide I'm done for a day or so, then life takes over and my writing sits in a corner for a while. I almost forget it's there. I don't want to do that. I think I need more discipline but I'm not sure how to do that. I also think part of the reason I'm so loose with it is because it's not my job yet. If I had a deadline I think it would help. I'm just realizing all this as I'm writing, which tells me something. It's like ideas come to me as I type, so maybe I just need to sit down and just type.
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Introduction
So this is my first time attempting the blog. I keep hearing it's a great way to get your writing out there, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I guess I should start out telling you a little about me. I've been married for two years, no kids yet (unfortunately, but that's a topic of it's own), and we've both graduated college. My husband David has a degree in Educational Ministries and I have a degree in English. We are both in our early twenties, have red hair, and work minimum wage jobs because we can't find one in our profession yet. We are both Christians and go to church as often as work will let us. David is in the National Guard and has three siblings and I'm an only child.
Okay, I'm pretty sure that covers all the bases. My life is complicated at the moment, and has been for at least the past year. I'm honestly not even sure where to start because it all connects together. I guess I'll start with married life. We got married in college, so that was tough because suddenly we didn't hang out with our friends near as often, and most of the time spent together was doing school work. We have already been through so much in these past two years, so much so that people keep saying we've been through more in two years than some couples do in, say, five years or so. Just to give you an idea, in the first year to year and a half, I had a miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, David lost his job of nine months, and both my grandfathers died within two weeks of each other. The last three were over the span of about a month or so. However, there have been four (maybe five) things that have gotten us through- God, each other, our family, friends, and for me (for a short time) a counselor when my grandfathers died. I really can't wait to see what God's got in store for us, because for all we've been through already, it's going to be incredible!
Okay, I'm pretty sure that covers all the bases. My life is complicated at the moment, and has been for at least the past year. I'm honestly not even sure where to start because it all connects together. I guess I'll start with married life. We got married in college, so that was tough because suddenly we didn't hang out with our friends near as often, and most of the time spent together was doing school work. We have already been through so much in these past two years, so much so that people keep saying we've been through more in two years than some couples do in, say, five years or so. Just to give you an idea, in the first year to year and a half, I had a miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, David lost his job of nine months, and both my grandfathers died within two weeks of each other. The last three were over the span of about a month or so. However, there have been four (maybe five) things that have gotten us through- God, each other, our family, friends, and for me (for a short time) a counselor when my grandfathers died. I really can't wait to see what God's got in store for us, because for all we've been through already, it's going to be incredible!
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