New Perspective

I didn't realize I hadn't written on my blog for so long, so I thought I would catch everyone up on what's been going on. The most important happened last night. We believe that last night that God told us what to name the first boy we have. It's very fitting considering our situation: Samuel. We read part of the story, Hannah's prayer, and I cried a little. I also told mom about it, and her response was something like "Well, now you know you're going to have them", which I always knew, but this was another sign. I've also been changing my prayer from "Please give us a baby soon" to "Please help us get jobs so we can save money for our own place so we can start a family". I know it's not supposed to happen right now, so I'm not worried about it.

Speaking of jobs, we are still looking, but not sure where to look right now. I'm kind of lost on what to do, and prayers are appreciated.

I am coming along with my book, thanks to the Marshall Plan. The section sheets are a big help, and I'm discovering that I often have a general, vague idea with some spotty details, and the section sheets make me really think about the details. I also have to remind myself to think about certain aspects in order to make part of my story seem more realistic.

I have so much encouragement from those around me, and I feel my relationship with God is growing in a different way than I thought, so I feel a strange sense of peace and expectancy about what's coming. However, I'm still impatient so I wish I knew when everything was going to fall into place! David and I are both more than ready to get good, steady jobs so we can live in our own place, and start a family. I know my parents are ready to have their place back. I look forward to the day I can blog about a successful pregnancy.

I'm not sure why the text looks different. It looks the same when I'm writing. I apologize for any difficulty reading this post.


EDIT: Since there's really not enough of an update to put up another post, i'll put it here. I got a job at Chick-fil-a thanks to connections! I was hired last weekend.

Passion Stirring

As you know I've been working on my story/book, and thanks to my awesome Christmas gift I'm adding more depth to it. For those of you who don't know, my story is centered around ballet, which I used to do as a child. I grew out of it, but never completely. Every now and then I would attempt some moves and see how rusty I was. For the last several years I have been really wanting to get back into it, try it again just to see if I still liked it as much as I used to. However, this was in Campbellsville, and I didn't know of anywhere close by where I could dance. There was one small studio but it was for children only-I could tell just by looking into the building when it was closed. So I figured if I couldn't actually dance anymore, I could release my desires by writing about them, hence my story. When we moved to Cincinnati and I was doing some light research to make my book better and more believable, I found the city ballet company, which stirred the embers once again. This time the desire is even more so, since it's not that expensive and not too far away. Unfortunately now neither of us have jobs, so that's obviously out of the question. But I have expressed my desire and passion to David, and he said once we get jobs we'll talk about it. I want to dance again so bad, for several different reasons. It never fully left me (I still have a turn-out), it's research for my book, and it's a great way to get back in shape. So now I'm hoping there will soon be a way I can get back into what I loved so long ago, dancing ballet.

Slightly Unexpected Change

So it looks like Macy's can't afford to keep me. I was called by my manager, who told me how appreciative he was of all my hard work and help, and that the shoe department had a great season and I was a big part of that. At first I thought he was going to offer me a position. However, he told me that they're not able to keep me because they can't afford it. He did tell me, though, if something changed I could re-apply for a position. It made me feel very happy that a nice place was impressed with me, but I was disappointed to hear they couldn't keep me. So now both David and I are looking for new jobs. We would love for them to be closer to our desired career, but we'll see what God does.

Speaking of careers, I've been using my Marshall Plan for novel writing book and workbook, and it's really helping my writer's block! I'm very excited about the potential of my story turning from a short story into a book. It's stretching me and pushing me to think of aspects I haven't considered that would go into a book and not necessarily a short story. It's also forcing me to maybe think differently about what I've already written. I would really love to find a job which allows me to exercise my abilities to write fiction and push myself even further.

Disappointment

As you can tell from the title, there has been some news that has been rough to handle, some more difficult than others. Mainly two things happened recently. First, David was laid off from his job because they couldn't afford to keep him. A little good news came out of that however; they were impressed with his ethic and he was definitely re-hirable. They also told him that come February will be the new fiscal year for them and if there are any positions open he would be the first they called.

Now on to the more recent, more emotionally hard to write about. As some of you might know, we've been trying for a family. We knew that God was telling us we would start a family here in Cincinnati, so we've been doing what we can and I've been trying to naturally help my body heal and increase progesterone. There have been a few times we thought "this might be it" but it wasn't, but this time was even harder to deal with. I'd never been this late before, and there were other signs-or rather non-signs- that this time might really be for real. Then today my body told me otherwise. I don't know if it was a miscarriage or not, but something happened that leads me more towards it than away. I keep thinking "it's not fair" because my thinking had even changed to way I'd never thought before, and I thought maybe that was God's way of saying it was real this time. I feel like my body keeps tricking me and then getting revenge by giving me pain for the rest of the day. It's really hard to trust God right now; I still do, but each time this happens I'm more and more confused. I wish I could find out if there's any other reason I'm having such trouble, but frankly we just can't afford it.

I'm sorry if some of that didn't make much sense, I'm still kind of down about it. I feel like giving up, but I know I can't. Emotionally I want to give up, physically I don't, mentally I don't know what I think.

Merry Christmas

I know it's a couple of days late, but I was with family. I had a great Christmas this year, and I hope everyone else did too. I got a lot of really cool stuff, including a Red's hoodie, Doctor Who stuff, a gluten free cookbook, a writing book and workbook, and gift cards. We got to spend time with both families (his and mine), and yeah it was a day late, but it snowed yesterday.

Working in retail this Christmas has made it really hard for me to get into the true meaning of Christmas, but it was achieved. I hope all of you remembered what Christmas really stands for, Christ's birth. I learned this year that the word Christmas literally means "Christmasse" or Christ's Mass. However, working in retail, I had the chance to make the little difference I could by saying "Merry Christmas" to all the customers, and more than once I had people say "Thanks for saying Merry Christmas". It made me feel good to know that there's still people out there who don't care about political correctness.

Speaking of work, this will be my last couple of days in the shoe department; however, next week I will be in accessories, which should be fun. And hopefully David will know soon whether or not he will be kept on as a regular employee. I was told they have until February to decide if they want to keep me or not. Whether that is the beginning or the end, I'm not sure.

Now that the Christmas season is over and we are in the home stretch of the new year, I pray that God's will will be done in our lives and everyone else's lives. I pray that everyone will have a prosperous year and that God will do miracles and wonders in yours and our lives.

Good News For Now

In my last post I was dealing with issues that were confusing me and left me wondering. Thankfully I have answers now.

My manager talked to me about my scorecard-basically all my stats that tell how I'm doing. Overall I did great, making more than my goal in pretty much all areas. When he brought up the holiday positions ending, I paid even more attention. He told me that on the 29th, the shoes holiday position would be closed, but on the 30th, I would be able to pick up shifts in other areas of the store. So I guess that means they are keeping me on as a regular flex associate for right now. I don't know how long that will last, but hey at least that means they're keeping me on for the time being!

David's situation isn't quite sorted out just yet, but there is an easy explanation for some of it. He's usually scheduled about 30 or so hours, but this week he was only scheduled for three days, which worried us a little. Thankfully the reason behind that was that someone else who had been working there for a while goes to the University of Cincinnati, and now that he is on break they gave him more hours.

I think that's all I have so far, but right now I'm really into reading and working on my story, which might be transforming into something more than a short story. I just have to work on where I want it to go. By the way, the author I'm really liking right now is Jeffery Deaver. He writes mystery/suspense novels and short stories, which I read for both enjoyment and ideas.

Life is Confusing

I know it's been a few weeks (again), but I have been busy and making good progress in different areas in life. However, certain aspects of those areas are confusing me and I'm unsure of some things right now. Sorry if that doesn't make much sense but I will explain.

First, work has been going well. I'm getting a good number of hours, selling lots of shoes, making my goals plus more, and my name was even on a paper on the wall for what they call "shining stars". I got a lot of points, which basically means I'm good at my job. At least that's what someone told me. That makes me happy. Now this is what confuses me- my schedule is on the computer, and normally I am given two days to work, and I pick the rest. The chosen days should have been today, but there was nothing there. I called HR and they told me if there's nothing available, then it doesn't give me anything. I thought that was strange, seeing as this schedule was for the week of Christmas. I go to the site for work, and I see a message saying there are still hours open for two days, one of which I should have been automatically scheduled for, but wasn't. I'm sure it will work out, I'm just confused at the moment. I also don't know how long I will be employed there, if at all, after the holidays.

On that note, I've been putting my resume out on the web so companies can look at it, so I can hopefully get a job in what I really want to do-write. Since I have had so many customer service positions, I have been receiving emails and phone calls from different companies in different aspects of customer services, none of which I believed I was qualified for. I'm honestly not sure what my response will or should be.

David and I are still hoping that he will keep his job at Sears, although we have some reason to believe otherwise, but hoping it's just a rumor.

My writing has been going really well now that I'm on my medicine. My short story is beginning to have the potential to become a book, and I keep thinking of stuff to include so I'm happy. I just wish I could find work related to my passion.

We have been window shopping online for apartments, just to see what's out there and what we can afford. Can't wait till we can actually go look at potential apartments.

The only thing we are still waiting on is having a family. Really not sure if there is anything different to say on that. Or anything else to say. We are still trying, I'm still on my gluten free diet, and am taking vitamins to help with the progesterone. I still feel like it's gonna be our time soon, I just don't know when "soon" is right now.